I actually hoped my status update would have triggered a discussion that would save the world. I'm buzzing with having figured out what I believe and why. I know I'm slow, but I'm coming from a much farther place than many of you; you know, having been a churchgoer all through my formative years, and being conditioned to respond to christian triggers through music, bible "stories", socializing with others who discuss why this one is the only true faith (how special we are), and being asked to help out with this or that that will do somebody some good. It's a social club; a bar without the hangover.
I am almost giddy though, with having reconciled with myself. It's like being born again ;). My emotions were always so invested in believing, that even after I knew I didn't believe it, still the brainwashing made it hard, scary, sad. Finally, I got through to myself for good when trying to label myself. Not atheist. Not agnostic. Theist seems so distant and empty and doesn't mean much of anything anyway.
PS. It may seem simple and obvious to some, but it only recently hit me that admiring and agreeing with Jesus does not mean I'm a believer, doesn't mean he was god, or half god or third god or the son of god. It does not mean Mary was a virgin. It doesn't even matter if he really said what he said; the words attributed to him in his "golden rule" are what matter about him. Be good to each other pretty much sums it up as far as I can tell. It does not mean the bible is god's word except in the sense that all of us and everything together are god's body, so whoever the people that wrote the bible were, they were part of us/god.
4/18/12
Well, I had completely forgotten about the above, but I was just on my way here to talk about how at first giving up religion was an emotional experience, or anyway the emotional aspect of it, the lightness of facing myself as I am, not as one who should be something else in order to further the goals of the supreme master of the universe. When I was still overcoming the programming, hemming and hawing in my head, back and forth, and evolution came up I would get hung up on whether or not reconciliation was possible between the two camps. Even though I watched some documentaries and read a bit about evolution, it somehow didn't seem all that interesting or important. I'm thinking that one of the blocking devices Christianity uses must have been preventing me from seeing the incredible beauty and awesome wonder of evolution.
Now, thinking about DNA and the information it is supplying and how lucky we are to live in a time when this is all new, and coincidentally, to be finally, thoroughly, cured of religion is really a great experience.
2 comments:
Trudy,
So glad you put these words down and that I could read them. My heart goes out to you and I hope you're doing well, as well as you can be anyway, I know it's still fresh and new.
I really wanted to come and visit you and grandma when you made it to Bakersfield. I live in Madera, about 2 1/2 hrs from there I guess...so sorry I didn't make it.
Joanne
Marita's daughter
Just want you to know that I read every word, and so true are your words that I could feel your emotions, and you walked me through it all, though I can only imagine how you suffered in 2010. I was pleased to note how your family stood by you, even though I always thought you to be a strong person, there are always times when we feel we can no longer cope. I also found that writing from the heart, expressing oneself with deep feeling, amounts to therapy, which is a most welcome thing. I enjoyed your read, especially the anecdotal references, but mainly for knowing that you are again safe and sound.
plur,
stanibol
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